The definitive Top 10 Film Villains of All Time

11Nov09

We were listening to some moron on XFM this morning asking who the best villain was out of The Joker and Darth Vader. Clearly the correct answer is Darth Vader, yet somehow this imbecile awarded the title to The Joker, prompted by some Generic Idiot Who Phones Morning Radio Stations, who won himself some tasteless prize for his juvenile, short-sighted suggestion.

Below is the CORRECT LIST OF FILM VILLAINS. There are only ten. This list is final and irrefutable.

10. Jud (Billy Casper’s brother), Kes (1970)
Jud is a wanker.

There will be no arguments. Jud is responsible for some of the most utterly heart-wrenching, tear-inducing moments in film history. A total arsehole.

9. The Islanders of Summerisle, The Wicker Man (1973)
Heathen Scum
You could argue that it was actually Sergeant Howie who was the real villain in The Wicker Man. You’d be wrong. The population of an entire island who for any reason collectively consider it acceptable to burn people alive is incredibly strange. To go as far as enjoying the burning as part of a religious tradition is even stranger. Hence, collectively, they are more villainous than one single character.

8. John Doe, Se7en (1995)
Technically not evil

John Doe is surely the most intelligent villain in Cinema. Being caught and killed to prove that your twisted murders had a logical point is totally evil. Note use of the word evil and not insane; being an insane criminal isn’t really an achievement. Being evil is worth writing about.

7. The White Witch, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)
100 years of snow-clad hatred

Laugh all you like but The White Witch was responsible for one hundred years of snow-based, Christmas-less dictatorship. She turned creatures to stone for having hope. That’s very cold, if you’ll excuse the blatant yet perfect pun.

6. Hitler, Triumph of The Will (1935)
Fascism projected as something positive = bad

Hitler plays himself in a Nazi propaganda documentary that led to the death of at least fifty-million people. Enough said.

5. Sauron, The Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King (2003)
Just imagine if he could walk

Here is a thought for you to stew on, dear readers: just think – what if he had arms and legs?* Seriously, if just his massive burning eye can be a totally evil antagonist for three hugely successful epic adventure films then Sauron’s power is surely something to be reckoned with. Our focus (another superb and deliberate pun) is on Sauron in the final LOTR film, The Return of The King in particular because it is here that we see the culmination of his evil and what it takes for the people if Middle Earth to finally defeat him.

*Let’s nip this one in the bud; we are fully aware that we do see the embodiment of a younger Sauron in LOTR: The Return of The King. Remember that this Sauron was basically all powerful and only lost the ring in a stroke of luck/fate. If he could grow new arms and legs now he’d be even harder. Finito.

4. Global Warming, An Inconvenient Truth (2006)
Al Gore saves the World

Global Warming is the current ongoing major issue in the Western World. This generation’s Great Depression or Great War, if you will. The worst part is that Global Warming, if you ‘believe’ in it, is completely self-inflicted, or self-perpetuated if we’re being semantic and pedantic. That’s why Global Warming is Number 4 in this list. Is Al Gore able to save us, “serially”?

3. The Baddy from The Exorcist (1975)
Pazuzu

The Baddy, aka Pazuzu, is infamous. People have allegedly killed themselves because of how frightening this film is, and yet for almost all of the film we don’t even see the character! That’s how damn terrifyingly evil it is. Pazuzu claims in the film to actually be Satan. The fact that it isn’t makes the situation all the more scary because it’s so unknown to us as viewers.

2. Darth Sidious, Star Wars (Episodes III, IV, V & VI), (1977-2005)
Worse than Darth Vader

Obviously far more villainous than Darth Vader, Darth Sidious is the mastermind leading The Dark Side in Episodes III – VI. Unrelentlessly evil throughout, as opposed to Vader, who eventually sees the error of his ways, Darth Sidious is absolutely the most horrible bastard in Space.

1. Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire (2005)
Cold, callous, evil

In Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire we see for the first time Lord Voldemort returning to his former strength, and my goodness he’s horrible. Just utterly, utterly callous. He has literally no respect for life other than his own, only hatred and, at best, disregard. The fact that he only appears for a short while in this film makes his brooding presence all the more potent, as it sets up for the next film with a feeling of “Yes, Lord Voldemort is back. Get ready to have your knickerbockers blown the hell off!” If wizards are real, then someone like Lord Voldemort could still never come to be – he is beyond reality in how terrible he is.

Special Mention: Mickey and Mallory Knox, Natural Born Killers (1994)

Senseless murder in the name of love
We thought it fair to give Mickey and Mallory Knox a mention because, although they aren’t bad enough to make the list, they do receive massive bonus points for being the protgonists in the film, i.e. the ones we’re all rooting for. Watching these characters destroy the world around them for no good reason, then cheering for them to do it, is what makes them so special to us.

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